Are your elected officials really just a bunch of namby pamby wet noodles, giving in to every whim of the electorate? 
Banish the very thought from your minds! Why, this very night the Senate proved yet again that Congress will not be bullied around by the yammering hoards. After legions of shrill phone calls, snarky emails and other communications from the perpetually cranky electorate, each one demanding that Senators honor a bunch of hard-to-read words written on a nasty old sheet of paper that's so ugly it's kept in a darkly-lit case to keep from offending too many visitors to America's capital, your Senators sided with the one person who still left them a choice in the matter: President George Walker Bush.
And remember, Apathy Leaguers -- the freedom to choose is the most basic freedom of all. When the Senate saw that the American people left them no choice, but the president allowed them to write whatever they wanted into law so long as he agreed with it, they sided with Freedom.
And this is why I proudly present a Captain Give-a-Damn™ Apathy Award™ to each and every Senator who voted to extend retroactive immunity to the telecommunications companies who, at the behest of their nation's president, gave the personal information of millions of American citizens to the intelligence services.
Below are the names of the Senators to whom this award is given. A hearty Captain Give-a-Damn™ salute to these fine citizens who wear the privilege of doing the least amount of good for the greatest number of people like a badge of honor:
| Alexander (R-TN) Allard (R-CO) Barrasso (R-WY) Baucus (D-MT) Bayh (D-IN) Bennett (R-UT) Bond (R-MO) Brownback (R-KS) Bunning (R-KY) Burr (R-NC) Carper (D-DE) Casey (D-PA) Chambliss (R-GA) Coburn (R-OK) Cochran (R-MS) Coleman (R-MN) Collins (R-ME) Conrad (D-ND) Corker (R-TN) Cornyn (R-TX) Craig (R-ID) Crapo (R-ID) DeMint (R-SC) | Dole (R-NC) Domenici (R-NM) Ensign (R-NV) Enzi (R-WY) Feinstein (D-CA) Grassley (R-IA) Gregg (R-NH) Hagel (R-NE) Hatch (R-UT) Hutchison (R-TX) Inhofe (R-OK) Inouye (D-HI) Isakson (R-GA) Johnson (D-SD) Kohl (D-WI) Kyl (R-AZ) Landrieu (D-LA) Lieberman (ID-CT) Lincoln (D-AR) Lugar (R-IN) Martinez (R-FL) McCain (R-AZ) McCaskill (D-MO) | McConnell (R-KY) Mikulski (D-MD) Murkowski (R-AK) Nelson (D-FL) Nelson (D-NE) Pryor (D-AR) Roberts (R-KS) Rockefeller (D-WV) Salazar (D-CO) Sessions (R-AL) Shelby (R-AL) Smith (R-OR) Snowe (R-ME) Specter (R-PA) Stevens (R-AK) Sununu (R-NH) Thune (R-SD) Vitter (R-LA) Voinovich (R-OH) Warner (R-VA) Webb (D-VA) Whitehouse (D-RI) Wicker (R-MS) |
Senators Graham and Clinton went so far as not to vote at all on the measure. I began preparing a platinum diamond-encrusted Apathy Award™ for them, but somewhere along the way I guess I just lost interest.
These are the 29 Senators who caved in to their constituent's demands. Some might even attempt to deceive you into thinking that they personally believe telecoms should be held legally liable, simply for following their president's orders. Scribbly words on a sheet of old, greasy paper are more powerful to these uppity uptight and tight-lipped Lib Labs than any weapon man has yet devised.
| Akaka (D-HI) Biden (D-DE) Bingaman (D-NM) Boxer (D-CA) Brown (D-OH) Byrd (D-WV) Cantwell (D-WA) Cardin (D-MD) Dodd (D-CT) Dorgan (D-ND) | Durbin (D-IL) Feingold (D-WI) Harkin (D-IA) Kennedy (D-MA) Kerry (D-MA) Klobuchar (D-MN) Lautenberg (D-NJ) Leahy (D-VT) Levin (D-MI) Menendez (D-NJ) | Murray (D-WA) Obama (D-IL) Reed (D-RI) Reid (D-NV) Sanders (I-VT) Schumer (D-NY) Stabenow (D-MI) Tester (D-MT) Wyden (D-OR) |
And what, you may ask, is the duty of a dedicated Apathy Leaguer toward these dogged duty-mongers? Shun, my cloyed cohorts. Shun.
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