Why so down-in-the-mouth?
Perhaps you're here because you're disgusted by the constant pressure to extend "courtesies" such as giving up your seat, holding an elevator door, or leaving a tip.
Or perhaps you're driven to despair by the bombastic indignation self-righteous drivers unleash upon you when you stop dead before turning, when you allow long lines to gather behind as you drive slowly on long, narrow roads, or when circumstances force you to simultaneously eat, read, and use the phone while driving.
Maybe you resent the tacit suggestion of certain elitists that you're somehow less intelligent because you don't read, you have no grasp of current events in any particular arena, and you couldn't care less about what little forces its way into your consciousness.
In short, you've arrived here because, deep down inside, you think that everyone thinks they're better than you simply because they try and you don't, and you're tired of being made to feel like an idiot because of it.
I, Captain Give-a-Damn™, am your champion! Join my Apathy League of America™ by purchasing my alarmingly unconscientious yet tasteful accessories. Every item in my Apathy League™ Gift Shop has had extended exposure to my Atomic Apathy Powers™, which will assist you in repelling those repulsive so-called "responsibilities" that are part of what certain snooty others obsequiously term "common decency."
Buy early, buy often, and visit frequently. Before you know it, Captain Give-a-Damn™'s Apathy League of America™ Gift Shop will become a mighty nexus for those who long for the days when you could live your life out in the pleasant pastures of pointlessness.
No comments:
Post a Comment